I create my own happiness.
This is the mantra I keep telling myself. I have to keep reminding myself of this
because It’s so easy to let circumstances and the outside world dictate whether
or not I had a good day, week, or year.
It’s true that stuff happens to you, but what reveals your character is
how you respond and stand back up. I
also keep in mind that to expect a new result out of doing the same thing is
crazy. If I want a different result, I
have to change what I do. I have to set
myself up for success. I have to create
opportunities for stuff to happen that will make me happy. E.g.
Not fitting into my jeans makes me sad.
I can continually be sad about it as I have extra desserts and say I
don’t have time to exercise. Or, I can
sign up for my gym at work and find half an hour breaks to do something
active. I can hire a personal trainer to
keep me accountable, which is necessary for how I work. I can start meal planning to inject more
veggies and lessen carbs. If I lose
weight and fit in my jeans again, I will be happy. I create my own happiness.
Having a second child has been more difficult for me than expected. I was not prepared for the heartache of what literally felt like a breaking up or falling out with the love of my life: my first born. I had not read about this in any blogs, vlogs, or anything. I mean, I had read about the difficulty of managing your time between two kids, but no one mentioned how difficult it would be to step back from your obsession with your first and only child to love another. It did make me resent my time alone with Leila a bit in the beginning because that meant Ethan was off having fun with daddy while I was stuck at home sustaining a newborn. My first love was learning about a life beyond mama. It felt like knife wounds to the heart. This is how I came to realize what it really means to sacrifice. I willingly give up something that I hold so dear and close to my heart for the sake of someone else. It hurts and it is an uphill battle to try...
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