Having a second child has been more difficult for me than expected. I was not prepared for the heartache of what
literally felt like a breaking up or falling out with the love of my life: my
first born. I had not read about this in
any blogs, vlogs, or anything. I mean, I
had read about the difficulty of managing your time between two kids, but no
one mentioned how difficult it would be to step back from your obsession with
your first and only child to love another.
It did make me resent my time alone with Leila a bit in the beginning
because that meant Ethan was off having fun with daddy while I was stuck at
home sustaining a newborn. My first love
was learning about a life beyond mama.
It felt like knife wounds to the heart.
This is how I came to realize what it really means to sacrifice. I willingly give up something that I hold so
dear and close to my heart for the sake of someone else. It hurts and it is an uphill battle to try to
make amends with those that feel wronged (including myself), but I trudge
on. Hoping beyond hopes that I will be
able to find a happy balance of time and devotion to each member of my family,
including myself.
Thank you for the lovely notes and cards of comfort and warmth yesterday. To be honest, I was a bit surprised to hear from some of you, but it's nice to know there are a few people actually reading this blog. I feel a lot better today because of you guys. *virtual hugs* Time also has a way of lessening the deepness of the sadness. I'm sure there will be days ahead that will be difficult again, like when I actually see my mom in person for the first time, but I'll cross that bridge then. In the meantime, I'd like to continue doing regular things to further distance the sad feelings and memories. I wish I blogged more regularly so that I wouldn't start forgetting things, but c'est la vie. Ethan has gotten used to his new shoes now, and doesn't protest putting them on as much anymore. We did go to Little Gym in our area, and Ethan was curiously terrified. He wouldn't let go of Lucas, and refused to be put down. Even his legs and...
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