Having a second child has been more difficult for me than expected. I was not prepared for the heartache of what
literally felt like a breaking up or falling out with the love of my life: my
first born. I had not read about this in
any blogs, vlogs, or anything. I mean, I
had read about the difficulty of managing your time between two kids, but no
one mentioned how difficult it would be to step back from your obsession with
your first and only child to love another.
It did make me resent my time alone with Leila a bit in the beginning
because that meant Ethan was off having fun with daddy while I was stuck at
home sustaining a newborn. My first love
was learning about a life beyond mama.
It felt like knife wounds to the heart.
This is how I came to realize what it really means to sacrifice. I willingly give up something that I hold so
dear and close to my heart for the sake of someone else. It hurts and it is an uphill battle to try to
make amends with those that feel wronged (including myself), but I trudge
on. Hoping beyond hopes that I will be
able to find a happy balance of time and devotion to each member of my family,
including myself.
Before having children, I hated children. I couldn’t understand them, and found them incredibly annoying. I never gave a second thought to being a mom unlike some who aspire to be one their whole lives. One day, I would become a mom after marriage and that would be that. The only fact I knew for sure was that I definitely wanted to have more than one child. Being an only child, I recognized the importance of giving the gift of a sibling to my first. Approaching motherhood going on four years now with two babes has given me new perspective on what it’s all about. I’ve been asked before on the merits of becoming a mom or having children, and while it’s easy to complain about all the difficult parts, it has always been insurmountable to fully put into words the gravity or the magnitude of such a decision on my life. Obviously, people say, children bring such joy and a newness to life that you have left behind in your childhood or forgott...
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